What Dreams May Come
by AV21
Summary: Rodney paused in his incessant poking of John’s head to holler “Carson, I think he’s still broken!” John flopped over with his back towards Rodney, and muttered, “Show you who’s broken.”
1. From Whose Bourn No Traveller Returns

"What happened?!" Weir demanded, exasperation finally getting the better of her and creeping into her voice.

"As far as we can tell, it's some kind of security system." Rodney flashed schematics on the screen behind him and explained. He sensed the frustration in Elizabeth and decided the simplified route would be the best option. "It was originally designed to pinpoint and incapacitate Wraith, letting Ancients pass through unharmed, but apparently the computer got confused when it dealt with both Sheppard and Teyla."

"I still don't understand how the computer being confused led to them as children!" Carson interrupted. Elizabeth shot him a look reminding him that, though she was getting irritated with the Colonel's adept ability at finding trouble, she was still the one asking questions here.

"Actually, despite this hiccup, the technology is quite ingenious." Rodney continued, electing to ignore Carson's agitation rather than taunt it. The Doctor was too high strung at the moment to take any teasing in stride.

"The system issues a standard stunner pulse, to put the Wraith in a weakened mental state, and allow the draining of life through the reversal of time." Rodney stopped for his favorite moment in these speeches, the stress inducing pregnant pause, but hurried along when Carson started to open his mouth again. "All the energy that the Wraith would've expended in that span of their lifetime is released into the device's system during the reversal. We're not sure what they did with the power, but the Ancients did it through the same technology as in the time dilation field, but on a much smaller scale. And of course, rather than time progressing forward, it progresses backward, and at a much faster rate."

"Faster than in the valley?" Carson took it upon himself to interrupt (interrupted) again.

McKay was beginning to lose patience. "Fast doesn't even being to describe it. Rather than six months in a day, it's two hundred years in four seconds. It's really quite brilliant actually. They reverse the polarity of the system and-"

"Rodney! If it's so brilliant, what went wrong?"

Zelenka moved to the screen, and continued on Rodney's flustered behalf. "We believe the computer was torn between responding to the genes in Colonel Sheppard, or the genes in Teyla. Eventually it found a sort of, happy medium- still responding to its basic programming by reversing time, but just enough to make them children. Which if they'd been Wraith would be hypothetically enough energy to scare them off once they awoke from the stunner pulse."

"How do we fix it?"

"Well Carson, we're uh, still investigating that… but the point is, we know what happened."

"Dr. Beckett?" filtered over the comm before Carson could retort.

His glare was sufficient enough chastisement as he answered back, "Beckett here."

"Teyla is beginning to wake sir, but the Colonel has yet to show any signs of consciousness."

"Alright love, be there in a moment, Beckett out." Carson rose and turned to McKay, resting his hands on the table for emphasis. "As nice as it is to know how it happened, I'd much rather know how we intend to return them to normal. When you have any information regarding that, Rodney, let me know."

Elizabeth gave a pacifying motion to Rodney as she followed Carson out and matched his infuriated stride down the hall. They made it halfway to the infirmary before the tension in Beckett's shoulders began to release, and Weir knew it was safe to attempt a conversation.

He just sighed when Weir slowly opened her mouth and muttered, "Yes Elizabeth, I know that I'm unduly stressed over their condition, and I shouldn't have snapped at Rodney." He stopped in the hallway and whirled to Weir, throwing his hands in the air. "I have no idea what to do for them, Elizabeth! No where in my training- or my imagination- do I have any idea how to fix this!" He lowered his hands and sighed "I'm sorry, Elizabeth."

She rested her hands on Beckett's shoulders and reassured him, "We have time for you to figure it out, Carson. So, Sheppard and Teyla spend a few days as children- they don't seem to be in any immediate danger," she joked. "Enjoy what I'm sure will be a very rare opportunity to learn anything about their childhoods, beyond when they had the chicken pox. It'll be good insurance for the next time Sheppard has dirt on you." She gave Carson a teasing smile and headed back to her office, debating how to force Rodney into joining her in the infirmary.

Rodney had been in a panic when he and Ronon had carried the tiny, unconscious bodies back through the gate. Ronon bore Teyla's minute form in his massive arms like she was nothing, and Rodney cradled John in close, willing him to keep breathing. Neither man had relinquished their precious cargo until expressly ordered by Carson. They hadn't ventured more than three feet away from either child while Beckett conducted his exam, only agreeing to be debriefed after Carson had declared both John and Teyla in perfect health.

Those on the medical staff had told the whole city just how affectionate Ronon and Rodney had been with the children, which Rodney was now striving to deny. Ronon could cow anyone with the slightest glance, but Rodney had to work a little harder. She knew from his newly assumed disdain at the situation that Rodney was keeping up appearances (in particular constantly mentioning that Sheppard had probably gotten himself into this situation by pretending he was Kirk again.) He also spent every moment in the lab, quietly sending one of his research assistants to check on John and Teyla every half an hour, and denying it every step of the way.

She'd strong-arm him in defense of his dignity, making a show of her concern. She'd be worried for them and Rodney would dismiss their condition as nothing important, though both felt a different way. They could all feel it deep down inside, something about this wasn't right. She couldn't place it, but she was afraid. Rodney would console her in public, and she'd console him in private, and maybe by telling him everything was alright, she'd begin to believe it herself.


	2. To sleep: perchance to dream

"Carson," whined the voice, "When's he gonna wake up?"

"I don't know love, there's no way for me to tell for certain."

"I bet if I sat on him he would," she grumbled at Carson.

He chuckled as he replied, "Aye, and I bet that he'd never forgive you." A deep scoff responded to the banter, but John didn't think it belonged to the Scot.

"But Carson I'm bored! She won't let us leave the room until she talks to him, and she won't let Tree and I play outside until she's sure it's absolutely safe."

The conversation paused for a moment until Carson replied, "I'm sorry, but, 'Tree?'"

Girl snickered with scorn and replied, "Come on Carson, he's the size of a tree."

John couldn't help but grin at the girl's condescending tone and opened his eyes to see the man shake off his confusion and say, "I don't think I've ever heard Ronon described that way before."

The girl sat on the edge of the nearest bed, aimlessly swinging her feet. She glanced at John and exclaimed, "Carson, he's awake!"

The man's face changed from bemused confusion to absolute delight as he hurried to John's side and said, "Good to see you up lad, I was getting a mite bit concerned."

Girl's joy disintegrated and her feet stopped swinging as she repeated, "Concerned? You said there was nothing wrong!"

The Scot continued his examination of John as he patiently replied, "No, I said I didn't think there was anything wrong, and he would probably be just fine."

She jumped to her feet, springing for a moment on the hospital bed before retorting, "That's the same thing!"

"Is not."

"Is too!"

From his chair leaned against the far wall, the deep scoffer interjected, "I hate to interrupt, but I have a feeling he'd to like to know what's going on." The intercedent was obviously 'Tree,' and John wasn't quite sure how Carson could've missed that.

"There's no point in asking. Carson will refuse to answer questions again and just tell him to wait for Dr. Weir." She plopped back on the bed in a pout, as John looked to her in confusion. She just nodded towards the door.

"I would be Dr. Weir" A warm and lovely looking woman emerged from the doorway and came to John's bedside. "I see Teyla's briefed you on me- I hope she was kind," she said with a smile.

Teyla rolled from her bed, and leapt into the arms of Tree. She laughed as she settled into his arms and replied, "So long as my brothers and I can play now, you have my full approval."

Weir smiled, and turned her attention back to John. "First off, I'm Dr. Elizabeth Weir, and you are the infirmary of a US scientific outpost. Don't worry about how you got here, just know that you'll be home in about a week, and you won't remember a thing."

The girl wriggled in Tree's arms, and nodded at the foot of John's bed, where he sat her down. John tucked his feet under him and out of her path as she strode up the bed. "Now that that's out of the way we can get to the fun part." His eyes swelled two sizes as she reached her hands down and pulled him to his feet before he even realized he'd reached back. "I am Teyla Emmaggan, daughter of Tagan."

Supposing that manners still applied even in strange pseudo-dreams, he replied, "I'm John Sheppard...son of Alexander Sheppard." He stuck his hand out to shake as she took his shoulders and inclined her head forward. John glanced over her shoulder at Carson who responded with an exaggerated tilt of his head as instruction. John leaned in and touched foreheads for a moment, then she bounded back and started rapidly talking and gesturing around the room again.

"You've met Dr. Weir, and don't bother asking any more questions, she won't answer them, but she did promise to let us play once you woke up." She pointed to the Scottish doctor and said, "That's Carson, he likes us, but he also seems to like sticking us with needles to make sure we're feeling alright, even when we say we are. The one shaped like a tree is Ronon, and the one skulking in the door because we make him a little nervous is Rodney, and they're our brothers."

John tipped his head in respect to each as they were introduced then froze for a moment and stuttered, "Our...our what?"

"I told Dr. Weir that I didn't need a babysitter, I can take care of myself, and I'm sure you can too. But Ronon said he wasn't here to babysit us, he's here because when we came two marines went missing, and they're like siblings to Rodney and Ronon, so we get to take the place of those marines until they get back."

Carson walked to Dr. Weir's side, suppressing a smile at Teyla's overly boisterous behavior and interjected, hoping to spare John from more things that would inspire his utterly lost expression.. "Well Elizabeth, if you're done with your explanation, and I have a feeling Teyla's not going to let you get much further, then I think it's time I put these two to bed."

She whirled on him, the pleading back in her voice. "But Carson, Boy just barely woke up, and you promised we could play!"

"I know Teyla," he consoled, "and I'll keep that promise, but right now you both need rest. Tomorrow, I'm sure Ronon and Dr. McKay will be happy to play any and every game you can think of."

"But Carson..."

"Tomorrow, Teyla." Ronon plucked her off John's bed and laid her back where she belonged. Dr. Weir squeezed John's shoulder and gave him a gentle smile before heading towards the door.

Dr. McKay finally broke his vigil at the door, stepping in as she stepped out. "Elizabeth, if it's not too much trouble, would you mind informing Dr. Zelenka that I'll be, umm,"

"We'll be spending the night." Ronon finished for him as he tucked Teyla in.

"If that's alright, Carson?" The Doctor and Weir both smiled and Rodney pulled over two chairs, placing them in between the feet of the beds.

"But Carson, I'm not..." Teyla couldn't even get her question out for the yawn.

He clicked off the light over her bed, and whispered something kind, then made his way to John. "Don't worry, lad, Dr. Weir will answer all your questions in the morning once the shock has worn off."

Silence held for a moment as the two men shifted in their chairs seeking comfort, then Telya whispered, "Goodnight Ronon, night Rodney, night Boy."

He paused for a moment while the two men murmured their goodnights, then asked, "do you always call people by nicknames?"

He could almost feel her spirit fall as she hesitantly replied "Yes."

He waited a moment, knowing she was debating with herself whether or not she'd lost her new best friend, then he smiled. "Alright then. Goodnight...Lady." He opened his eyes just a crack to pretend he wasn't looking, and saw her smile match his own before he fell into sleep.


	3. A Thousand Tenants

After all the times he'd wanted to suture the Colonel's mouth shut, Carson never thought he'd be quite so relieved to hear a wisecrack from Sheppard. But that one comment to tease Teyla had done more to assure him that John was alright than a whole litany of tests. He was still up, reviewing those test results, even though everyone else had been asleep for a few hours, and the gentle drone of Rodney's snore tempted him to join them. But he kept going over the results, expecting something to leap out at him and force the whole thing to make sense. But he was having no such luck.

Other than the fact they were nine and seven, respectively, John and Teyla were just fine- physically anyway. Teyla had acclimated instantly. She didn't care where she was or how she got there, she just needed to know she had two new playmates, one a partner in crime and the other the aim of all her teasing. Though Beckett hadn't thought it physically possible, she'd been even more excited when she'd discovered there was another child here to keep her company.

She'd dashed behind the Colonel's privacy curtain before Carson could stop her, and much to his surprise, she'd been angelic after that. Teyla had sat quietly on the neighboring bed for the next several hours, clearly besotted with the miniaturized Colonel. In fact, Carson was quite convinced she'd only talked so much when he'd first awoken because she had a crush. Which Ronon and McKay were going to tease her mercilessly for when she returned to normal.

Teyla seemed largely unchanged from her adult self. She was still fiercely independent and incredibly loyal, both refusing adult supervision, and then refusing to talk to any other guard after Ronon and Rodney had declared themselves her brothers. She'd picked quite a fight with Sgt. Bates over the matter, calling him something moderately inappropriate in Athosian, which Carson had declined to translate for the marine. She wasn't quite as skilled at controlling her temper as she would grow to be, but still boasted the wit and playful spirit he'd seen her show among her people. Not to mention the grace of one born to fight. She even looked remarkably like herself, which Carson supposed he shouldn't have found surprising. Everything about her was the same, right down to the red tinge to her hair when the sun shone bright.

However, it was not that way for John. Physically he was himself, messy hair and clear eyes, with a lean frame. But mentally Carson still worried John might be in shock. In no lifetime would Carson have pegged John as stoic. Playful banter, humor in desperate situations, these things characterized John Sheppard, but not silence. Beckett just kept hoping that teasing Teyla meant the Colonel was on his way out of the woods and back into Nottingham.

Carson finally decided to call it a night, when the alarm on his computer blared. John's blood pressure was spiking. Beckett sprinted down the hall to where Sheppard was muttering in his sleep and at the sound of Carson's footsteps, McKay and Ronon sprang up. Sweat was streaming down Sheppard's forehead, but with one good shake John was awake.

"John, lad, listen to me. You're in the infirmary, you're alright. It was just a bad dream."

He gasped for air as his pulse returned to normal, but the moment of calm was interrupted as he rolled his head to the side to gain his bearings and leapt out of bed shouting "Lady!" Her blood pressure must have spiked moments after John, when Carson wasn't in his office to be notified, but after a few hard shakes she woke as well. Her arrival wasn't as peaceful as John's however. She shook uncontrollably and sobbed at her nightmares. In a moment John was up on the bed next to her, ever the champion, with his arms around her, reassuring her everything would be okay.

"There were Wraith," she wept. "I've never seen one before, just the stories. It was, was..." and she buried her head in John's chest. He rocked her back and forth, murmuring gently, but that did nothing to soothe his own shaking.

He took notice of the three stricken men at the base of her bed and forced himself to explain, "It was gaunt, and sickly pale, covered in slime like it had been pulled from a swamp."

Her eyes turned up as she whispered, "You dreamt it too?" Silence reigned for a moment, terrible theories racing through Carson's mind, all hinged on the response this tired little boy gave. John nodded.

Maybe it wasn't what Carson thought. Maybe it was just a regular, old, bad dream. "What else did ye see lad?"

He waited for a moment before he spoke, reassuring himself that Teyla's breath had evened out before he continued. "I was in a cage, no, a prison. Outside the bars it was dark, but inside there was beam of light, too pale and mechanized. The monster, the catfish gone wrong, was there with me. He walked towards me, slow and deliberate, he knew I couldn't run. I just, I sat there. I could feel it in my head, feel it telling me to stay. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I could just wait. He ran his finger down my cheek, the nail slicing through me, and blood dripping down my face." He stalled as he remembered the sensation and Teyla took over, giving him time to recover, and through action tell him he wasn't alone.

"I've been told stories my whole life, but I've never seen one before, never seen them feed. My village was burning, everyone was screaming, and running into the woods. There was no way to fight them, though some tried. I watched one carry away my best friend, and I couldn't even scream. It came out of the fires of a collapsing tent, fragments of bodies in its wake, and it walked towards me. The dream became too deep when he walked in. It had been just a dream, he gave it meat, made it real. I felt flames lick past my left leg from tent ruins to my side. Ash floated through the air, but it smelt wrong. People were in the cloud, and my lungs clogged with my friends."

"You could hear his fabric shift as he skulked towards you, and hear the hiss when he bared his teeth to smile. It got worse the closer he came. Your body ached to be away from him it felt so wrong, so sickening. " Teyla scooted closer to John, now using the hug to comfort him as much as her.

"I could hear him breathing Carson, nightmares aren't supposed to breathe."

"He called me little brother, and said he'd be seeing me soon. I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard Dr. Beckett. Then his smirk grew, like you weren't waking us up, like he was letting us go."

Teyla took John's hand, and wrapped his fingers around her own. She rolled his fingers out from within and held his palm to hers. She snuggled her ear closer to his chest to know his heart still beat, and that she was beside him.

"When he grinned, he told me you were coming to take me back, but he'd keep me in the end."

Rodney collapsed back into his chair as Ronon turned his eyes to Carson, burning with the unsaid order to make it stop.

Beckett stepped over with a gentle smile, and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "You're here." He moved his hand to trace the path of John's cheek where the wraith had cut him open and whispered, "You're safe." He stepped over to the cupboard of medicines and began rummaging as he berated himself. "This is why I wanted the two of you asleep as quickly as possible. After the stress you two have had today I was worried that there might be some bad dreams." Carson turned around with his cart full of supplies and a vial of sedative. "And then there were two marines in here earlier discussing Wraith physiology in detail." Beckett clicked his tongue and gave a chagrined apology to the children. "I let them discuss because I thought you were both too deep in your unconscious states to hear, but I was wrong. You must've heard their descriptions and with all you've been through, your brain manifested the first thing it could think of."

He sighed, deciding that the faster he moved on, the less questions there would be about the explanation. "Now, I'm going to give you both a sedative, and you'll sleep easy for the rest of the night. I promise."

Beckett reached for Teyla's arm, but she flinched back and tucked herself behind John. He murmured to her that it would be alright, then stretched his arm out to Carson to prove it to her. The Doc gave John an overly perky smile and quickly administered the drug. Teyla watched as Beckett gave it to John, and then buried her head in his shoulder until Beckett was done with her. When that was resolved, she settled back into place.

"You should both peacefully be asleep in a few minutes." Carson rolled the tray out of the way and moved to scoop up John and place him back in his own bed, but John shook his head.

"No Dr. Beckett, I will stay here." Carson glanced down and saw the half asleep Teyla with her fist clenched around the front of John's scrubs. He wrapped his arms around her and waited for her breathing to slow before he would close his eyes. Whatever the dream meant, at least he was acting like his usual overprotective self.

"John?" Rodney interposed, the scientist refusing to let him fall asleep, "One more question, whose hand was it that woke you up? Carson shook you, but by both shoulders."

"I don't know him. He was young, and a soldier." John yawned and started to slip into unconsciousness as he kept muttering. "He smiled at me, though, and his left eye was black, and his eyebrows were bushy." John faded into oblivion as the men stared at each other in fear.

Rodney headed towards the exit and Carson asked, "And just where are you going?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm off to misdiagnose two children!"

"Rodney," growled Ronon. He sighed in response and apologized.

"I'm sorry Carson, it's not like you chose for this to happen! I'm going back to my lab to find what we missed."

"Rodney..."

"Ford, Carson. He had a dream about Ford and the Wraith. I want to know why." Rodney strode from the room and Carson went to take his place in the chair next to Ronon. His research could wait until Rodney came back with his computer. For now, the vigil took precedence.


	4. Easier to be played upon than a pipe

They'd been playing tag with the off duty marines since the meeting started, and the marines' eagerness to play still surprised her. They'd all been informed about the status of their commanding officer, and given orders to pretend he was just a normal little boy, but she'd had her concerns. Yet they all went out the window as she watched Major Lorne in a mad hunt to catch up to Teyla. She was as sweet and observant as ever, but she was playful now.

However, John sat patiently where Carson had left him, ignoring Ronon and Teyla as they ran amuck. He was staring intently over Zelenka's shoulder at the data pad he was working on. Carson had arrived for the meeting a few minutes ago, but had just barely broke his quiet conversation with Rodney, signaling to Elizabeth they were ready.

Zelenka followed them towards the office, leaving his desk abandoned long enough for Teyla to grab the data pad and slip it into John's unattended backpack. She turned to find Elizabeth still at the door and watching. She bounded over and shrugged "It makes him happy." Elizabeth just smiled back and entered the meeting, where she'd been listening to Carson and Rodney arguing over details that she was sure weren't really important.

"The point is, that their bodies may be miniaturized, but their minds aren't. When they're unconscious their minds are weaker, so memories have only appeared in that state thus far, seeming like regular dreams. My concern is that the longer this goes on, the more they'll remember, and the more traumatic it will get."

"They both dreamt about Wraith, Carson, what's more traumatic than that?!"

"Elizabeth, I believe the more appropriate question is what isn't. Think about all the things they've seen since they've been in the Pegasus galaxy. Ford diving into a Wraith beam, people being fed on, a galaxy blowing up, volcanos erupting, flying down the gullet of a hive ship, shooting Sumner! Then think about all the things that must have happened to them before we ever met. Cullings, Afghanistan, the deaths of their parents, and who knows what else they had to endure, and all those horrors could come back to these innocent minds that probably never imagined such things in their short, peaceful lives. They not only dreamt of Wraith already, but from their descriptions he's functioning as sort of a tour guide to their nightmares. The truly scary thing is that neither one of them had never seen one before; Teyla had heard stories, but their details were too specific. It was a memory of a Wraith dictating to their subconscious. And I'm afraid the memories can only get stronger."

"What does that mean for them?" Carson sighed and looked helplessly at his hands as Rodney continued.

"It means that their minds are breaking through the barriers of the time dilation field, and their brains are going to try to overcompensate, and force their bodies back to where they belong by reliving the past. Their brains are operating under the theory that by showing their bodies they've lived longer than what they believe their bodies will return to where they belong."

"I believe that if allowed to persist, they'll end up in a walking dream, seeing around them nothing but these memories, and believing they're living them again."

Elizabeth paused for a moment, debating if she really wanted to know the answer to her question. "Will they all be dreams like the one about Ford?"

"Yes. Physics 101, the strongest force wins, and terrible memories have a habit of being the strongest."

They all sat for a moment, soaking in the dire straights their friends were in, when Bates coughed. Elizabeth stopped herself from rolling her eyes and interrupted their reverie. "Sargent Bates has expressed concern that the Colonel and Teyla aren't being properly monitored."

Rodney snorted, "Properly monitored? They have the most intimidating man on the base with

them wherever they go, they'll be safe from anything while Ronon's with them."

Bates coughed again from the corner where he'd kept himself uncharacteristically quiet. "That kind of monitoring wasn't my concern."

Rodney started at him for a moment and muttered, "You have got to be kidding me."

"No Dr. McKay, I'm not. Despite the Colonel being in his current state, he still possesses the ATA gene to such a degree that allowing an untrained child to roam around the city is a potential security risk."

Carson rose to his feet, and used every ounce of patience left in his being to avoid yelling, "You are proposing locking up already traumatized children?"

"Doctor, you pointed out yourself that these children have the potential to lose control, and with the knowledge that they both possess, any loss of control could permanently damage the city."

Rodney was next to Beckett in an instant, keeping a less firm grasp on his rage than Carson, "Are you kidding me?!"

Bates's voice rose to match Rodney's and replied, "No McKay, I am not! If Sheppard goes crazy, he just has to have a memory of the control chair, and drones will be fired at who knows what! And if Teyla loses it..."

"Sgt. Bates," stopped Beckett, keeping a crisp edge to his very thin voice, "I'm afraid that if you imply Teyla has the potential to betray us to the Wraith again, I may find myself reverting to an ancestral propensity and kicking your arse!" Alright, maybe not quite as much control as he thought he had.

"Gentlemen," interrupted Dr. Weir, "If we could all take our seats." She waited until the men had backed down from their fighting stances before continuing. She gazed down at her desk, closed her eyes, and sighed. Carson swore in Gaelic under his breath, that movement in Elizabeth could only mean one thing, she was about to do something diplomatic.

"As much as I would like to have faith in the lucidity of Colonel Sheppard and Teyla, it is in the best interest of Atlantis to take precautionary measures. Sgt. Bates, I'd like two marines to be with them at all times, but their access is not to be restricted. They can roam wherever they like." Bates nodded his head and left the office to issue orders. She looked both doctors squarely in the eyes as she said, "Don't look at me like that, you know John would've given me the same advice."

Rodney walked out the door in a huff, but Carson stopped on the way. With his back to her he murmured, "Aye Elizabeth. He would've told you to guard him any day of the week, but he never would've set one up for you."


	5. That the opposed may beware of thee

"You lost them! You lost two small children and a scientist!"

"In their defense, they also had Ronon."

"You find this funny, Dr. Zelenka?"

"No sir, not at all." Elizabeth tried to be subtle about covering her mouth to conceal her growing smile. Carson and Rodney's sense of honor would be satiated when they found out their disappearing act had gotten Sgt. Bates chewed out by a very irate Colonel Caldwell.

"Dr. Zelenka, would you fire up the internal sensors please?" Elizabeth patted Zelenka on the shoulder, reassuring him that though he probably was going to yell some more, at least Caldwell wasn't going to kill him. Radek dashed to the consul and fidgeted for a moment under Caldwell's gaze. He clicked a few buttons, listened to a rather annoying beep, then tried again. He muttered what she assumed was something foul in Czech and turned to Elizabeth. "She won't let me."

"What?!" Caldwell roared.

Zelenka carefully chose his words, deliberately aiming for the most irritation and replied, "I believe, sir, that she won't help you get mad at him."

Elizabeth faked a sigh and tapped her earpiece, further stiffling that smile. "Maj. Lorne, I need you to assemble a search team. It seems that Sgts. Bates and Greene have lost Teyla and John."

Elizabeth could heard laughter and music in the background, as Lorne replied. "Mission accomplished ma'am, they're both here in the commissary and doing fine."

"Thank you Maj. Lorne, Weir out." Caldwell and Bates were up in an instant and took off towards the commissary at a trot, with poorly concealed frustration. Elizabeth followed after them, hoping to prevent bloodshed.

They entered the commissary, and Elizabeth finally broke down and laughed. One of the marines was strumming "Ring of Fire" on his guitar while John taught Teyla, Carson, and a few of the lunching marines how to line dance, while the rest looked on in enjoyment.

Tables had been pushed to the side to give the children enough room to play, while Ronon and Rodney were busy sharing a plate of brownies and watching the spectacle. The laughter and games continued, until Maj. Lorne tripped over another marine and fell to the feet of Caldwell.

"Colonel!" He jumped up as the other marines leapt to attention, one with a guitar still strapped around his neck. Weir just smiled, and complemented Lorne on his dancing prowess, toeing the fine line between relinquishing complete control of the situation to Caldwell and infuriating him even more.

"John, Teyla, come here for a moment, I'd like to introduce you to someone." John had either heard the disguised warning in her voice, or was used to dealing with military men with that look in their eyes, because he paused for a moment to straighten his Athosian jacket before striding towards Caldwell with a sufficiently humble expression. Teyla took her cue from John and cast her eyes towards the floor, pretending she was a demure, defenseless little girl. Ronon settled into the table in what she assumed was his non-threatening position, but still halfway in front of Rodney to protect him from any outraged marines. Weir found herself stifling another smile, and thinking just how good her alpha team was.

"Colonel Caldwell, this is John Sheppard, and Teyla Emmaggan. John, Teyla, this is Colonel Caldwell, he's the military commander here on the base."

"An honor to meet you, sir." John saluted in flawless military fashion, while Teyla modestly dipped her head.

Elizabeth glimpsed the incensed gleam in Caldwell's eye and started running through all the possible ways this could end badly. "I was under the impression that you were given instructions to stay with Sgts. Bates and Greene."

"Yes sir."

"Then tell me Mr. Sheppard, why would you run away from two marines that were appointed for your own protection?" John held his position at attention, and kept his gaze directly in front of him- he knew full well that every one of these questions was rhetorical and answering would only get him into more trouble. Elizabeth wondered to herself for a moment just how many more times in his life John was going to have the opportunity to practice this skill, and how on earth he knew it at nine.

"So tell me Mr. Sheppard, how exactly did you manage to elude two US marines?" There was bite to Caldwell's voice, barely containing the fury that Sheppard still had the capacity to defy him, even in this state. She shot Ronon a look, telling him to have the common sense to let Caldwell rant; there was nothing to be done. He settled back to the bench, but that tone was enough to have his hackles raised.

"They were using hand-held detectors sir, and the detectors started malfunctioning. Ms. Emmaggen and I stepped into something akin to an elevator, sir. It returned us to a populated portion of the city, and we assumed that, rather than step into an elevator where we were unsure where it would take us, we came to the commissary. Mr. Dex and Dr. McKay found us first, and they decided it would most likely be easier to have the marines track us rather than track marines, sir."

"So, Mr. Dex and Dr. McKay didn't help you to lose the marines?" He was baiting a nine-year-old! What kind of person baits a nine-year-old?

"No, sir." Good John, she thought, stay mellow, don't give him anything to work with.

"Are you sure about that?" He'd been circling John, like a vulture going in for the kill. There was a sadistic joy to him that he would probably be confining Sheppard to his quarters in a moment, finally able to exercise control over the rogue flyboy. She shot Ronon, and now Rodney, the look again, which she knew wasn't going to keep them in their chairs for much longer.

John's eyes broke from the arbitrary point on the wall where they'd been fixed for the last several minutes and met Caldwell, stare for stare. "Yes, sir." This needed to end, and quickly. Traces of the John they all knew and loved were sneaking through, and she didn't doubt that if John pushed, Caldwell would try to get him returned to earth to be looked over by the doctors there.

"Whose idea was it to run away from the marines?" Caldwell turned his gaze from John to Teyla, and John's will broke. He stepped defensively in front of her, and the gauntlet was thrown.

"She had nothing to do with it, sir. She followed me away from the group, because she was afraid what would happen to me if I ran off alone. She's the one who pressed the map in the elevator to take us back to the main part of the city. Lady didn't do anything wrong, and neither did Ronon, Rodney, or the marines."

"Well then John," Weir interrupted, "we're going to have to do something about that." She kneeled in front of John to meet his eyes and said in a pseudo-reprimand, "You know that it was wrong to run off like that John."

"Yes ma'am."

"I need you to promise me that in the future, you will always stay with Ronon and your marines."

"Yes ma'am."

"And don't lead Teyla into any more trouble."

His act was firmly back in place as he hung his head in shame and replied, "I promise, ma'am."

She lifted his chin and smiled, "Well, if that's taken care of, I suggest that you get back to that plate of brownies before Rodney eats them all. And then, if you'll humor me, I have always wanted to know how to line dance."

He smiled back to her, then dashed over to the table with Teyla in tow. Caldwell's anger was palpable. She knew it wasn't at John, it was at all of Atlantis for keeping his condition hidden from him, and from the SGC. He still wanted Sheppard's position, that was obvious, but that he'd been overlooked didn't seem to irritate him nearly as much as the blatant favoritism for Sheppard, even in this condition. Now that she thought about it, that blood vessel in his head had started to throb at about the time Zelenka had mentioned that Atlantis was refusing to give him up. Even the city would fight in John's behalf.

"Colonel Caldwell, thank you for helping to find them, it was greatly appreciated."

"Dr. Weir..."

"Especially considering that you are the commander of the Daedalus, and given that both John and Teyla are civilian children, they are under my command."

The muscles in Caldwell's jaw clenched as he restrained his tirade against her, then simply nodded his head. "If you need any further assistance Dr. Weir, I'll be on the Daedalus."

"Thank you for the offer Colonel, but I'm sure we won't." Caldwell gave Bates a look equivalent to a threat on his life if Sheppard made it out of his sight again, then left the room, leaving Bates and Greene to take positions at the door, and attempt to heal their egos in solitary. Elizabeth walked over with a smirk and joined the rather entertaining conversation in progress.

"Alright John, you taught us a line dance, and now I get to repay the favor."

"By wiping it from everyone's memory?"

"Shush, Rodney. John, I'm going to teach you how to waltz." Carson turned to the guitar toting marine and said, "Three-fourths time please." He held out his hand and asked, "Elizabeth, if you wouldn't mind?"

He led Elizabeth to the middle of the open space, and started his simple waltz saying, for John's benefit, "Front, side, together, back, side together. See now, it's not hard at all."

John just smirked and bowed to Teyla. "May I have this dance?"

She stared at him incredulously and said, "Boy, I don't know how."

"Just keep your eyes on mine and follow where I lead."

"But..."

"Trust me?"

There wasn't even a pause before she replied,"Yes, of course."

"Then you'll be amazing." They started to dance, and Carson's jaw hit the floor.

Ronon helped himself to a brownie and said, "I hate to break it to you Doc, but I think you just got outclassed by a nine-year-old."

They went in a graceful arc around the room while the marines snickered and Carson sought for something of value to say, rather than staring. "You know that he lied for them, don't you Elizabeth?"

"What?"

"It was Teyla's idea, Ronon led the marines away, and Rodney shut down the transport once they made it through. He lied to protect them."

She just smiled as they waltzed around the room and murmured, "That's our John."

Rodney started cursing under his breath, "I mean really, it's just not fair."

"Rodney," Carson warned.

"Oh come on Carson, he's nine! How does a nine-year-old know the Viennese Waltz?" John heard Rodney's rant, and stopped mid-step.

"How do I know how to waltz?"

Carson shot a glare at Rodney and said, "Probably just from watching too many old movies lad, most people pick it up eventually from someplace. Everyone knows it, they just don't know they know it."

"Dr. Beckett, I don't think one can pick up the Viennese Waltz from movies."

"Oh aye, lad, that ye can. But I wouldn't fret about it, doesn't mean anything."

John turned back to Teyla and she acted on the confused and rather troubled expression etched on her best friend's face. Without a word from John she said, "I don't feel much like dancing anymore." He nodded and they stepped over to Carson, with John asking on behalf of a conveniently blurry eyed Teyla, "Aren't we late for our regularly scheduled afternoon nap?"

"Aye, that ye are lad, let's head back to the infirmary." Carson, thankful that the subject had been dissolved, ushered them out the door with Ronon close behind, and Teyla's hand firmly in John's grasp.

Rodney stepped next to Elizabeth and whispered, "He didn't say thank you."

"What?"

"He's been unbearably polite this whole time. This morning he thanked almost everyone in the infirmary during their check-up. And today, everyone danced and played with them, and he didn't say thank you to anyone."

She stepped to the balcony, her gaze following the children as they walked back to the infirmary. Rodney moved around to be in her line of sight and make sure he had her attention. "He knows something is wrong Elizabeth, those instincts of his are too damn good to not know."

She nodded and murmured, "Get everyone to the conference room once they're asleep." Rodney nodded and headed out the door while Elizabeth kept staring at their retreating group, wondering why a little dancing had her stomach sinking like a stone.


	6. But a Walking Shadow

"I still don't know how I feel about this Rodney."

"Elizabeth, do I need to show you these equations again? My staff has been working on them for the last two months, and he gets them in under a week!"

"It was probably just a fresh pair of eyes, ma'am." John interjected from his game of Risk. Rodney had called her to the infirmary after dinner and had been pitching his idea to her for the last ten minutes.

That afternoon's meeting had been less than productive, partially because Colonel Caldwell had sat in, and most of his ideas involved sending them both through the stargate for further testing. All they'd decided was that the situation was getting worse for both the Colonel and Teyla, but it still wasn't presenting any major health concerns. As for right now they were just experiencing flashes of muscle memory rather than active delusions. Her only concern was that they would start to realize something was wrong, and she believed John already had his suspicions.

Carson's only suggestion had been distracting them, keeping them mentally active and focusing their attention on something other than their degenerating mental state until there was something tangible they could do.

"Come on Elizabeth," Rodney kept pleading, "he did this without any help, including that of our simulators or other scientists, many of whom have engineering degrees in this field!" She looked at the sheaf of paper in front of her again and still couldn't quite believe it. The first half of the pages were longhand mathematical equations, none of which she understood. But the second half were schematics, and those she understood enough to be impressed.

They were page after page of detailed instructions for building a drone. According to Rodney the calculations were spot on, and he'd perfectly designed the drone, right down to the tiniest detail of the Ancient engine. Elizabeth looked up at John, who was contentedly taking the world over from Carson (who'd teamed up with Teyla) and Ronon (who looked particularly perturbed). Judging from the pile of pieces in front of John, there had been a fourth player, hence Rodney's desire to move on to something where John couldn't beat him.

As she stared at the very passive John, the thing that truly surprised her wasn't the calculations, but the art. His drone schematics were a thing of beauty, like a Da Vinci sketchbook. She'd known John for three years, but the more time she spent with this little boy she realized she didn't know him at all. Nowhere in any conversation had he mentioned art, and to draw like this meant some serious study. She knew from the very first day that he had a habit of showing only what parts of himself he wanted you to see, but somewhere along the way she'd assumed thay'd made it past that.

Rodney just kept rambling about all the projects he could put John on, but Elizabeth just ignored him and turned her attention where it belonged. "Elizabeth, are you in there?" He sighed at her start and asked again, "are you going to let him do this or not?"

Since there was no stopping Rodney once he got an idea in his head she just replied, "So long as Carson approves it, Rodney."

"He already has."

"Well then, don't overwork him Rodney, he's not one of your scientists, just smarter than all of them." It was a testament to Rodney's willpower that he withheld his sarcasm at that statement, and just smiled at John.

Now that business was done, Teyla flashed Ronon a wicked grin and in an instant John was over Ronon's shoulder like a sack of potatoes and Teyla was packing up their game. "Hey! I was winning!"

"We know, and now we're bored. We want to play the game we played last night."

Rodney just sighed and muttered something about nonsensical rambling, while Teyla giggled at him. "We're all playing Rodney, it's non-optional."

"I really wish I hadn't taught you that word."

Carson stood and said, "I'll go make the popcorn, and maybe you can stop Rodney from hogging it all, Elizabeth." She looked at him quizzically and Carson smiled back, "You'll be staying to play, of course."

"I'd love to Carson, what are we playing?"

He kept his expression very clear as he insignificantly said, "Spin the bottle."

Carson cleared his throat a few times, before hurriedly muttering, "Gwen. Her name was Gwen. I was fifteen, and we walked home from school together. One day, she surprised me and we kissed outside of her house. She giggled, and didn't speak to me for the next two weeks." Teyla failed at her attempt to stifle her laughter at Carson's first kiss. "Alright, enough of that, I told ye it was a bad story."

"What makes you think that was a bad story, Carson?" choked out Elizabeth through her own laughter. Carson just glared at her, then leaned toward the rolling cart and spun the bottle. Much to Carson's delight, it landed on Elizabeth.

"Time to get you back, lass." They'd pulled the infirmary beds together, and were crashed in a circle, passing around the popcorn. Only after severe...coaxing by Ronon, did Rodney agree to sit himself on the bed and join the party, due to his protests that he and John needed to get back to work.

"Alright Elizabeth, where did you learn how to handle a P-90?" This time the giggles came from Rodney. "Ooh, it seems I've chosen something good."

"That's because he was there, Carson." Rodney giggled again.

"A friend of mine taught me how to shoot at about the time I joined the SGC."

Rodney snorted. "If that's how you quantify friend, then we must be bitter enemies Elizabeth."

"The game only works if you're honest, Elizabeth," Carson chided.

"We were only ever just friends, though there are those of our coworkers who chose to believe otherwise. I had someone waiting for me, as did he. We simply had a very amicable relationship." Ronon smirked at that one and Elizabeth interjected, "Not in that way, you dirty bird, we were, and still are, just friends." She spun the bottle before anyone else could make inappropriate commentary in front of the children.

John fidgeted slightly, when the bottle landed on him. It had only landed on him once in two nights of play. Apparently Teyla had wanted to know why John had chosen Lady as a nickname. The response that it seemed appropriately British wasn't clear enough for Teyla, so John had spent much of the previous night recounting the story of Peter Pan, his favorite fairy tale. (The irony of which she was sure Rodney was enjoying immensely, but for the flight or the eternal childhood she couldn't say.)

She had been waiting for this opportunity all night and gave a small cheer in her head and asked, "John, have you drawn anything else, something that I could see?" He froze for a moment, giving Beckett just enough time to glance at this watch and realize that he had wanted the children in bed half an hour ago.

Amidst false protests from Teyla, McKay and Ronon began reassembling the infirmary as Carson slipped the kids in bed. The three men would be there all night, with Carson and Rodney working, and Ronon monitoring while they slept. Judging from the speed that everyone worked, Elizabeth had just unwittingly crossed a line.

Somehow, Carson had been adopted into the tightly knit alpha team, and held with them the strong bond that transcended time and reality. She was friends with all of them, but she didn't have that sense of unity. She knew they would all fight and die for her just as they would for any member of the expedition, but that was out of fealty, not brotherhood.

Elizabeth headed towards the door to leave them in peace when John called, "Dr. Weir?"

She turned and put back on her diplomatic expression. "Yes John?"

He nodded at his backpack near the door and said, "Just because the party ended doesn't mean your question shouldn't be answered." The men looked dumbfounded but she smiled at John and went to look them over in Carson's office, so the light wouldn't bother the children.

The images took her breath away. All of them were simple black and whites, since there weren't any paints or colored pencils roaming around Atlantis for John to work with. She flipped through sketches of the stargate, the ocean, and Atlantis herself.

Carson walked in and sat down opposite Elizabeth. "John grew up in California, his mother was an artist there, she taught the lad about art." Carson sighed and stared at Elizabeth, wishing she would focus her attention on him rather than on those drawings for this moment, but he knew it was futile.

She looked someplace else when she was betraying emotion, and this was going to be one of those moments. "His mother is sick. She has cancer. Apparently this incident is where John's lifelong aversion to hospitals began. The doctors are all lying to him and saying she'll be better, but John knows she won't."

"Carson, I want everyone in my office as soon as they're asleep." She didn't wait for a response, just walked out the door, handing Carson the drawing from the top of the stack.

For all his time in Pegasus, and all his medical training, Carson's stomach still clenched at such a sight. Sumner was old and greying, on his knees before a hive queen. She had her hand over his heart, feeding on him. What surprised Carson was that Sumner wasn't screaming, wasn't in pain. His face was calm, resigned, and his eyes were fixed outside the frame, and on the artist. But that wasn't what troubled Carson.

Somehow, Carson almost shuddered to think how, John had gotten a hold of red. And in intricate detail on the back of the Wraith's hand, was a red bullet hole.


	7. Constant as the Northern Star

"What progress have you made Rodney?"

"We're doing everything we can, Elizabeth, but bending the laws of physics requires a little time. We've got our best working on it, but we have to run through a lot of variables to come up with a safe method."

"Does that mean you have an unsafe method?" Carson asked.

"Well, we still believe that we can come up with something better, but if all else fails we have something."

"What is it?"

"We would have to take them back to the compound and subject them to the same burst from the device."

"Won't that just do more damage?"

"Not if we engineer a naquada generator to overload the beam and reverse the polarity. The problem is that the naquada generator, at this power level, will be very unstable. And even with constant monitoring, there's still a high probability for error."

"Rodney, explain to me what that means."

"That means they're both dead. We even run the risk of killing them if this works."

Elizabeth stopped herself from reprimanding Rodney, she knew that guilt was the thing driving him now, as his friend deteriorated. He'd spent most of today away from his lab and playing with the kids, and somewhere in his mind he thought if he'd been working he could've stopped this. "Keep working on it Rodney, we need a viable solution. Carson, what did your scans reveal?"

"The center of their brains that controls long term memory is firing at random." He paused a moment and took in the look on Elizabeth's face. It was a sign of how stressed they both were. Carson was usually perfectly understandable in his explanations, and Weir never let her frustration show.

"It's like when you smell freshly baked bread and remember being at your grandmother's house. The memory isn't strong enough to make you believe you're there, but it's strong enough to prompt unbidden thought. Both the Colonel and Teyla are experiencing such prompts, but without any stimuli, and not quite as happy a selection of memories. Right now there's nothing we can do but pray stimulants can keep them lucid."

"Carson," Weir sighed, "I need you to be completely honest with me. What's going to happen if we don't return them to normal?"

The tension mounted n Carson's voice as he answered. "If we can't get their brain chemistry to normal, the memories will grow stronger, and they'll spend the rest of their lives trapped in their own worst memories."

"Halling has demanded that if there's nothing we can do for Teyla, he'd like her sent to be with them on the mainland. He thinks that some familiar faces, even if they're twenty years older than she remembers, will do her some good."

John saw the horror steadily overwhelm Teyla's face and he clicked off the radio. "Before you say anything, you need to know something else." John reached into his pack and pulled out the computer that she'd stolen for him. There was John's picture and his status report.

"'Lt. Colonel John Sheppard. Commander of the Atlantis military contingent.' I was a pilot, and from what I can tell, it was some twist of dumb luck that landed me here, and as a ranking military officer. Those dreams I've been having all correspond to an event in here.

"The boy who wakes me every time, his name was Aiden Ford, he was our friend. He died on a Hive ship to save me." John's voice got anxious and quick as he saw the recognition spread on Teyla's face. He needed to make it all the way through this before either of them backed out. "The Old man from my nap today, his name was Sumner, he died on our first mission out... I shot him. I killed a man. Every nightmare I've had, it belongs somewhere in this file." He clicked to the next page and showed her a picture of herself. "Read you own file Lady, find out who you are in this world."

She took the computer and scanned through for several minutes, her face falling with the proof that every nightmare was real. John leaned against the doorframe, listening for approaching sound. He knew that Atlantis would hide them, just like she had during the escape from the marines, but he wanted to be sure no Caldwell-prodded marines stumbled across them. Soon there would be a citywide manhunt for them, but Atlantis would refuse to cooperate, and so would Ronon. They'd explained the plan to him, and he knew as well as they did that this was their only option. Ronon sent Carson off to the meeting, telling him he'd have the nurse administer the sedative. They'd waited two minutes then slipped in a side room by the Jumper Bay, while Ronon gathered all the things John would need.

Teyla silently joined him at the door, and slipped the data pad into his pack. "I can feel it wearing off, Boy. We won't have enough for us both."

He summoned whatever determination he had left and threw it into his voice. "Yes we will." Teyla leaned against the door across from John and cupped his face with her hands. She forced him to look her in the eyes.

"I can't fly a jumper. I can't overload a generator. All I can do is sit and watch you fight your demons to save our lives." He stepped away and turned his back to her, hunching over his shoulders.

"We shouldn't be making any noise, someone might hear us." It was weak and he knew it.

"I can already hear him calling me, Boy- the wraith. He's been stalking us both every time we sleep, I can already hear him out here. In a few minutes he'll have taken me over, and I'll be watching him feed on my father again"

John just paced back and forth, counting the steps to cross the room, trying to block her out. "He said there were even better dreams waiting for me on the other side." She stepped in his path and made him look at her again.

"He said there are things within man that are worse than in wraith. He smiled. He said I'd get to watch more than just my father die." He braced his hands and leaned against the door, praying that Ronon would signal them. He didn't want to listen to this.

"John." He turned around leaned against the door. "You can do this." John's radio beeped three times, the signal that Ronon had everything set up. Teyla held out her hand, and John mirrored her palm, just like they'd done when they'd first woken to this world.

"I trust you. In this life, and in the other, and in all the ones to come, that will never change." He waved his free hand in front of the lock and took her hand. They paused for a moment, then ran into the bay.


	8. But One in All Doth Hold His Place

I figured it was about time I thanked all you beautiful people who've been reviewing and reading. As a point of reference there will be two more chapters, so just hold on with me and the story will be finished monday morning my time. And much thanks to my beta, the brilliant and amazing Colleen. (Someday I'll learn how to use commas, but today is not that day. )

* * *

"It gets worse."

"How much worse?"

"We're missing a naquada generator."

Elizabeth dropped into her seat in shock as Caldwell roared, "What?!"

"John probably came to the same conclusion that I did, and he's heading back to the planet to undo the damage."

"How did they get their hands on a naquada generator?" All Rodney could do was shrug, but Ronon raised his hand.

"Ronon, why are you raising your hand?"

"I gave him a generator."

Elizabeth just sputtered at him, "Wh...why would you do that?"

He stated it simply, like it was an obvious answer. "It's Sheppard."

Caldwell signaled to two marines outside the door as he got in the very dangerous position in front of Ronon's face. "You will be in the brig until the Colonel and Teyla are retrieved, and if I have my way, you'll be in there for a lot longer." The marines hesitated for a moment before grabbing Ronon, and he just smirked in return.

"Don't worry boys, I'll play nice, there's nothing you can do to stop them anyway." Ronon reached into his pocket and smirked even more as the marines nearly jumped out of their skins. He pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Weir. "He told me to give you a message. He hoped now you would understand why he didn't tell you."

Elizabeth read the note and crumpled it in her hand in frustration.

"Elizabeth?"

"'And Brutus is an honourable man.'"

Caldwell just sputtered, "Why would he write that?"

Carson looked at him like he was a fool and said, "We lied to him. Brutus pretended to be the best friend of Caesar, and was instead his murderer. By lying to him we thought we were his friends, but we may very well have killed him."

The gate technician blared over the comm, "Dr. Weir, Jumper One is activated and dialing the gate!" The team burst from the office, with the marines temporarily forgetting their duty.

Rodney sprinted down the stairs and stood in front of the gate as the Jumper descended. "I'm not going to let you do this, John!"

"Trust me Rodney, I'm lucid enough to make this decision. I'm strung out enough to make even you happy."

Rodney stared down the barrel of the gun and yelled at Sheppard through the Jumper window. "This is my fault, John, and I'm going to fix it!"

"McKay, I get mad at you every mission, our fight doesn't even rank in the top ten. We argued, I went off and did something stupid, dragging Teyla down with me- that makes it my hot-headed fault, not yours."

Rodney's frenzied gaze swept over the cockpit and he asked, "Where's Teyla?"

"I'm sorry Dr. McKay, but Teyla can't come to the phone right now. She's busy watching her father be eaten by a Wraith. I would leave her a message, but I'm afraid she'll be occupied for a while. Next, she has to relive Bob taking over her body and threatening her friends. Then comes almost being drunk by a wraith when she was fifteen, then my personal favorite, hauling my dead body through an event horizon. So I'm sorry, she's a little busy! And I'd love to chat, but currently I'm staving off the death of Sumner. As much as I would love listing more visions off, I'm sort of running out of time here."

"John, why isn't she up, why isn't she lucid?"

"Tell Carson I'm sorry for the theft of his stimulant, but we only got enough to keep one of us conscious, not two. Since I can fly, I get to listen to her nightmares rather than live mine. Now Rodney, I need you to get out of the way."

"The two of you have had only minuscule amounts and it's kept you both fine!"

"No McKay, we've been sneaking extra. After that first night we could hear our Wraith tour guide talking to us during waking hours. We've been taking stronger and stronger doses trying to stave him off and buy the two of you more time, but now time has run out and this is the only thing we've come up with."

"No John, we'll find another way, doing this is suicide!"

John tapped his headset, changing the signal from the gateroom to just Rodney. "You know what else I remember, McKay? Flying a jumper to the bottom of the ocean, praying that you were still alive every second of the way. I also remember who traded his life with Kolya to save us. You weren't lying when you called yourself my brother, Rodney; you're the closest thing I've got to a sibling, and you know that. Now, brother, you need to trust me."

"You don't seem to remember what happens when we trust each other," Rodney helplessly replied.

"No, I remember. Blowing up five-sixths of a galaxy is pretty near the top of the list of bad memories." Rodney shuffled for a moment, and met John's eyes. "You can see it in me, I'm lucid. And you know this is the only way. I won't spend the rest of my life reliving that pain Rodney," Teyla screamed in the back of the jumper, and Rodney could feel her pain as it drank her life away. John whispered, "And I won't let her." Rodney nodded his head and stepped out of the path of the jumper, and Sheppard was gone.

* * *

Reviews are always greatly appreciated, thanks! 


	9. To Thine Own Self Be True

Thanks so much for all the reading a reviewing that's been going on! (I'm still new at this whole thing, so someday I'll be one of those folks with a good introductory paragraph, but that day is not today.) Tomorrow the epilogue will be up, and this section of the story will be finished. Thanks for the love, and I probably won't see any of you for several months since classes start tomorrow, so enjoy your winter semester!

* * *

"There's nothing you can do." His voice was sing-songy, almost sweet, like and old friend coaxing you to stop doing something stupid.

"Yes I can. I'm still lucid."

"Yes, because lucid people talk to figments of their imagination."

John picked Teyla up from the back of the Jumper, avoiding looking at the Wraith the whole way. "Just shut up!"

"Now little brother, come here and sit down, you're not doing any good running around like this." John carried Teyla's body to the edge of the field and went back to work on the naquada generator. "You and I both know you're not smart enough to do this."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not. You're smart, but you're not that smart. Not even Rodney could properly calibrate this. You've only been able to figure the things out that you have because your cerebral cortex has been stimulated beyond its normal capacity, giving you a higher brain function. By my messing with your memories, it's over-stimulated your brain. If I were to leave you'd be the regular little boy you've always been." John adjusted the interface of his data pad and began entering calculations. "This is a bad plan, little brother. Rodney only let you do it because he knows you're going to die, and you'd rather die fighting."

"You bet your ass I would."

"Now John, there's no call for such language. Your mother certainly wouldn't approve." The Wraith was contentedly sitting on a rock a few feet away, watching John struggle to remain conscious. He seemed to enjoy getting a rise out of him, but John figured that was okay. He always knew how to push Rodney's buttons because he worked the same way, tell him something couldn't be done and it would be done in record time.

John kept tapping on his keyboard, trying to modify the equations to just the right point. He was almost there, he just needed a minute more. "If you're going to ignore me, little brother, I'm going to have to start talking to her again."

John looked over from his work and threatened, "Leave her alone. She can't cause you anymore trouble."

"That is true. But if you're going to be too stubborn to play, I'm just going to have to feed on her for a while." John grabbed his 6mm from his side and shot the wraith straight through the heart. He chuckled again. "So you're lucid, huh? Because lucid people summon up firearms to shoot the figments of their imagination."

He turned back to the generator and Rodney was there, tapping at the calculations. "How's it coming, McKay?"

"This is impossible Sheppard!"

"Impossible like dialing a gate while surrounded by convicts, or five-sixths a solar system impossible?"

Rodney glared at him for a moment before yelling, "This is defying the laws of physics, not even me in a million years could do this, impossible!"

"Should I call Colonel Carter to fix it then?"

"Colonel, you push, and you push. You play off the ego, and the desperate hope that bravery will win the day, but it won't. You knew someday your luck was going to run out, and this is that day." Rodney stood up, stared Sheppard straight in the eyes and said, "I can't save you." Rodney turned and sat down on the rock outcropping next to the wraith.

John stepped back to the generator, and stared at it helpless for a moment. He tapped on his radio and said, "Doc, I'm gonna need you to make another house call, something's wrong with McKay."

"I'm sorry Colonel, I can't do that."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because Colonel, you're dead, and I don't pay house calls to dead people." John turned back around, hoping a little berating would fix Rodney right up, but he wasn't there.

The Wraith smiled at him again and said, "You wanted the fight to be between you and me. Summoning friends isn't just the two of us."

"You want to go, let's go." John stepped forward, prepared to get throttled by a Wraith, and the world dissolved. He was back on his first hive ship, staring at the Queen's table, all laid out for guests.

"Sir! We're glad you could make it!" Ford saluted him and escorted him down the length of the table. "You ran a little late, but we knew you'd be coming, since you're the guest of honor, and all." Ford led him past Stackhouse, Grodin, Gaul, Abrams, Everett, and others. They all nodded their hellos to John as he went past, finally sitting at the head of the table with Ford to his right, and Sumner to his left. Sumner gave John a firm handshake and joked, "Glad you could finally join your party, Colonel."

"Well sir, I didn't realize I was running late."

"That's just like you, sir." Ford raised his glass and the group followed suit. "Time for a toast everybody. We salute Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, our mentor, comrade in arms, and killer." A unified "cheers" went up from the table as every man and woman drank to the screwed-up life of John Sheppard.

He stumbled back from the table, as with the drink they shifted into their true selves. Blood dripped from the contact point on Sumner's chest, Ford's left eye turned black, and Stackhouse merely ceased to exist. "Sir?" Ford asked concerned, "Sir, are you alright?"

"This isn't real." John staggered back from the table, muttering to himself, and turned to ran from the room. But with the turn, the scene changed, and he found himself back in the clearing. Teyla was on the ground where he'd left her, but now the breathing had slowed. John tumbled to her side and struggled to wake her, shouting in her ears as he tried to shake her back to life.

"She's gone, John." That damned wraith was still sitting right where John had left him. "You took too long. The stimulant has completely worn off and her soul belongs to me.

He ripped around and made his way back to the generator in the back of the jumper, shouting "She's not gone! I can still save her!" The clearing was gone again, and he was running down the aisle of a church.

"Sure you can. Just like you saved her." John never thought he'd feel pain like this again. There she was, wrapped in her favorite dress, green, like her eyes. He knew that was why she always wore it, to make her eyes shine. Somehow, John's dad had managed to get her green scrubs at the hospital, so even there she could have some little piece of joy.

He'd shoved this day to the darkest corner of his mind, and never thought about it again. John's method of coping had always been a strong drink and long run, which never let him work through the pain like psychiatrists wanted him to, but let him put it to a place where it wouldn't control him anymore. This memory was for long nights when he hadn't slept, and when he was just lonely enough, and stupid enough to think of happy memories from home.

Some woman from the base had chosen a wig for her, almost exactly what her hair had looked like years ago when she'd had it. She'd been wearing scarves and spiking her traces of hair for so long that the flowing locks struck John as odd. The officers and their wives were sitting in the pews, making small talk to his father, reminiscing about what a lovely woman she'd been, about how beautiful she used to be, before.

None of them had liked her in life, but the somehow managed to find nice things to say in death. She was a California surfer girl, free spirit, hippie, and artist. Not at all the kind of woman you wanted married to a Colonel in the US military. They were in love, something else these people didn't understand. His dad always said when you found a woman that beautiful, all sense of protocol went out the window.

The Wraith stood by his side, staring down at his mother, whispering "What makes you think you can save Teyla, when you couldn't save her? You couldn't even save yourself, John. Tell me, how many times did you feel the back of his hand, before death took him too?"

John just shook his head, "He couldn't help it."

"Couldn't help it?" the Wraith scoffed.

John stepped closer, resting his hands on the edge of the coffin, relishing the chance to look at her face again. "He loved her so much, that when he lost her it was hard for him to be around me, sometimes."

"Ah, you think it was alright because you're her son, not his?" John just kept watching her, waiting for some kind of movement, a breath, a flicker, something. She looked alive, like she would hop out of the casket any moment, just to tease his father and his stuffy. She always tried to keep Dad from taking himself too seriously, and tried to teach John the same. "I can see how it would be painful to keep you around. Your spirit was hers, the art, the air, the sense of humor. You even look like her. Lean, runner's build, dark, with messy black hair, and those lovely green eyes. Yes, that's complete justification for doing that to a son."

"At least he hit me less than his father hit him. And I'll never have any children to hit."

"Are you sure about that?"

The Wraith was trying to bait him, but he wouldn't win. John just smiled. "This is a happy memory now?"

"You picked the wrong one to torment me with. That spirit of hers," he met the Wraith's eyes, as the church melted away, "it taught me to fight." John awoke on the ground next to Teyla and he lurched himself to his feet.

"You'll never make it. The jumpers are already on their way here, they'll stop you before you finish." John staggered towards the generator, feeling the darkness try to swarm him and pull him back in. He just kept walking as the Wraith tormented, "That wasn't the ultimate dream, little brother."

"Stop calling me that." The Wraith stood and blocked John's path, taunting him again. "That's your nightmare."

"People calling me by annoying nicknames?" John stepped to the side, but the Wraith followed, he lurched again, but the Wraith still blocked his way. "Say my name, and I'll let you pass."

John summoned his strength, to stand up straight one last time, and clearly say what he'd been dreading. "Michael." The Wraith changed before his eyes, taking on the short haired, all-American appearance he had last held, somewhat akin to clean-cut, Aryan way his father had always looked.

"I'm what scares you the most." John tried to take another step around him, but his strength was gone, and he collapsed. He summoned the will to brace himself up and spat out, "You're dead."

"John, my boy, you and I both know that's not the point. I'm alive, just deep down inside you, rather than in my own body." Michael bent down and began explaining in his best condescending tone like John was a two-year-old.

"When you woke up the Wraith, you woke up something inside yourself that you thought you'd long since buried. After all, the vast majority of you belongs to your mother, but deep down, there's that core element that your father left you, and you're losing control of it. You've already let it out, first when Bob went after Teyla, and then when you lost control of everything to that bug virus. Of course you come back and apologize, but so did he. You've both crossed the line, and eventually he couldn't come back anymore." John managed to strain himself to his hands and knees, but one swift kick from Michael sent him flying through the air past Teyla.

He swaggered over, knowing he'd won and kept talking. "Your deepest, darkest fear is that we are brothers. After all, we're both half-breeds born of Ancient parents. You can feel that someday that code of ethics of yours is going to go out the window, and you'll be just like us."

John laid on his back, staring up at the cloudless sky. He could feel life leaving her beside him, and morosely thought that at least they were dying outside- he knew neither one of them had wanted to end in the infirmary. He tilted his head to her and reached his arm out, and stretching his fingers, he had to tell her that he tried.

"You see, little brother, your fear is that at the end of the day you're no better than us, just losing."

His fingers brushed past hers, he was almost there. He couldn't move his body anymore, he ached for air washed clean of the blood he'd spilled, but it wasn't coming. He kept reaching with what little his body hadn't been stripped of, he wouldn't let her die alone.

"You're afraid of what you have to do to fight a Michael, afraid that it's already happened, that you've sold your soul to feed your wrath, and it won't do any good. So that's the hell that awaits you when you stop fighting, that's the hell I'm here to take you to, little brother."

He loomed in the air over John and stretched down his hand, "So what do you say? Are you coming freely, or shall I take you by force?" John stared at the hand in front of his face as his fingertips stretched one last time, and touched Teyla. He felt her warmth, and the world went dark.

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Thanks for reading, and if you could see so far as to press that little review button, (to tell me it was good or it blew, either way) I'd be forever grateful. Thanks! 


	10. With Hoops of Steel

**Epilogue**

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John dug his face further into the pillow and grumbled, "McKay, if you don't stop poking me, I'm going to tell Mom."

Rodney paused in his incessant poking of John's head to holler "Carson, I think he's still broken!"

John flopped over with his back towards Rodney, and muttered, "Show you who's broken."

He could hear Beckett's purposeful stride down the hall. It wasn't frantic like he'd heard it be a few times in the last few days, simply rushed. The boisterous tone to McKay's voice was a sure sign that John wasn't in any real trouble, just being annoying. "Colonel Sheppard? I need you to wake all the way up for me lad."

"Carson do you know how long it's been since I've had a good dream?" he groaned.

"I am fully aware of that lad, but I need to talk to you." The brogue sounded more rested than it had when he left, which told John that he was definitely better- Beckett didn't sleep when people were dying.

John flopped onto his back and muttered, "We were having a barbecue, Doc. One with burgers, and beer." He yawned and started to roll back over as he said, "I was surfing, and Teyla was in a swimsuit." John froze halfway through the turn and his eyes snapped open. He sprang up as his mind cleared. "Teyla! We've gotta go get Teyla!" Pain ripped through his head as he tried to leap past McKay and out of the bed. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and fell back to the pillow.

"I'm over here, Colonel." John lifted his hands just enough to keep blocking the light and turned to Teyla.

"You okay?"

She grinned and said "I've been awake for an half and hour, and Dr. Beckett has already given me something for the pain."

He nodded his head and murmured "Oh good," as his hands went back to his eyes. Carson began administering painkillers, stalling until Elizabeth arrived. Whatever talking needed to be done, it wasn't by Carson, just something he wanted to hear. Elizabeth came in with a gentle smile and went to her usual spot next to John's bedside, and asked him how he was doing. He played along and told her he felt just fine, "But where's Ronon?"

"Well John, while you were incapacitated..."

"AWOL."

"Colonel Caldwell assumed your command, and when Ronon confessed to getting you a naquada generator,"

"Confessed to stealing a naquada generator from my lab and stunning two of my scientists as part of your hairbrained scheme!"

"McKay, my painkillers haven't kicked in all the way yet, so I'm going to need you to turn off the howler monkey scream for just a minute. Lorne!"

The marine who'd been trying to be subtle about his guarding of the infirmary door stuck his head around the frame and cautiously replied "Yes sir?"

"Tell Caldwell that I thank him for filling in for me while...incapacitated, but I'm back now. And the first order in my return to command is to spring Ronon from the brig, since he was just following my orders."

Lorne suppressed a giddy smile at the return of his CO as he saluted Sheppard saying "Yes sir." John settled back and rested his hands behind his head, perfectly willing to let Elizabeth work up the courage to ask her questions.

"John, there are a few things that we need to discuss concerning what happened yesterday." Elizabeth paused and started running her hands over the top sheet, smoothing out her foot of fabric over and over again.

"No Elizabeth, I didn't get the generator turned on." She started and looked up him with the same intense gaze that Rodney and Carson were giving him. "The Ancient device saved us all of its own accord. I think it was waiting for us to come back so it could fix its mistake."

"But Colonel," Carson asked, "why would it do that? And Teyla wasn't even within the field, how could it have changed her?"

"When Michael kicked me, I flew over her and into the range of the field. The device was just waiting for me to make contact with Teyla, so it could channel to her through me, even though she was out of range." Carson's gaze dropped at the mention of Michael and John apologized. "I'm sorry Doc, but that was the Wraith tormenting me in the dreams."

Elizabeth wasn't to be deterred from her intended topic and continued, "John, how can you tell that the machine had intent?"

"Right after I blacked out and the machine started to work, I felt it apologize. And it explained this wasn't supposed to happen, but it got confused when dealing with Teyla and I. It took our energy into whatever it's protecting, but the time dilation wasn't supposed to react with us like it did."

"Rodney and Zelenka have been going through the database, but thus far there's been no mention of Ancient technology on that world. Their scans tell us that they believe the shield is protecting a faint power source, but that could be just be interference from the shield."

"So after all this, we still have no idea what's down there?"

Beckett harumped as he checked the Colonel's vitals and said, "I can tell you what's down there. Something that you're all to stay away from. Whether it apologized or not, doesn't change that it sucked the life out of two senior staff members and made nightmares come true!"

He waved Elizabeth and Rodney out of the room muttering to himself about the name of science being all well and good, but science didn't help anyone if they were all bloody insane. Alright, maybe Beckett wasn't as well rested as John thought. "Since they don't seem to be offering you any new information, Dr. Weir, I'm going to put them both to bed. A little uninterrupted rest will go a long way towards their recovery."

Elizabeth just smiled at the overprotective Doctor and said, "We'll be back to see you two later, enjoy your naps."

"Wait, Carson I have one more question." Beckett squared off against McKay with a steely eyed glare, and stumbled out, "Just one question Carson, that's all, I promise." He nodded his head and McKay quickly turned to John, not eager to try Beckett's patience further.

"Colonel, where did you learn the Viennese Waltz?" Beckett's face broke into a grin, and Teyla and John just blushed.

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Well that's it folks. (Though I am debating a sequel.) I just wanted to say thanks to all you beautiful people who reviewed. Feedback of any and all types is greatly appreciated and makes me want to keep going. Thanks so much for reading, it means a lot! 


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